blogging gobbledygook and such

Am that sort of person who has lots of time to spare to invest and cultivate in relationships, whether with friends or family. Would hardly ever turn down an invitation to go out for lunch with a friend; if self do, it’s really either because the timing was not right (prior work / study commitments) or that am turning you down because do not enjoy your company, period (three times telling you no ought to say something about how self feel of your company!).

So if you’re in sulz’s good books – which is a very hard place to be for reasons explained soon enough – you might be getting more than you’re asking for. sulz is the kind of person that if she really likes your company, she’ll want to hang out with you as much as possible. If you hate clingy people, you’ll hate sulz. If you don’t feel the same way sulz does about you, you’ll find her somewhat suffocating. If you’re a busy person and can’t spare the time for sulz as much as she can for you…

There’s only three ways that relationship can evolve to:

1. sulz will stop investing in that friendship with you, because you don’t seem to like her as much as she likes you. She would rather enjoy her own company (even if she doesn’t enjoy her company that much) than trying so hard just to make time for someone who can hardly make time for her. If you’re someone sulz was really close to, she will not even want to stay friends with you because she’s too frustrated and hurt that someone she feels so close to cannot reciprocate that spirit of friendship.

2. sulz will get upset, because she doesn’t understand why you don’t want her company as often as she wants yours. If you aren’t that close a friend, she would most likely get over it and accept that you’re a busy person and that when you do want to hang out with her, you would ask her out because you want to. She won’t bother to invite you for a drink, though she’s more than likely to say yes when you do ask her out for coffee.

3. sulz will drift apart as you would, but the friendship remains just as strong. This is only possible after many years of friendship. You would also have displayed attempts of keeping the friendship for you to be able to enjoy sulz feeling close to you yet not wanting to spend that much time with you. She can stay out of touch with you for months, but when you finally have the time to catch up with her, she’ll be talking to you like she was just on the phone with you yesterday. She won’t be too bothered whenever you decline her invitations out, because she knows that it’s not because you dislike her company, but just simply that you’re busy.

Of the three ways a friendship with sulz can evolve to, no. 1 could only happen to people whose friendship sulz really, really wanted, enjoyed and appreciated, as compared to no. 3 or no. 2.

So if your friendship with sulz ended the no. 1 way, you know you were a very big deal to sulz.

Comments on: "How committed are you to your friendships?" (6)

  1. Wow, Sulz, heavy. I have not analyzed friendship the way you have here, but I would say most of my friendships are like #3. I have friends I don’t see for a long time, and we pick it up just like it was yesterday.
    Hmmm, you don’t seem clingy on your blog! Probing, curious, friendly, yes, but not clingy.

    sulz: haha, is it? well, you have a good attitude about friendship, wish could be more like you.

    perhaps clingy is how you see it? some people may consider self clingy, and some who enjoy self’s company may not. this post was written in context of close friendships with some people in self’s life, people who really mean a lot to self – not so much casual acquaintances.

  2. timethief said:

    People are all different. Some require frequent and even daily contact with their buddies to establish and maintain a friendship with them and some don’t.

    When it comes to friends, I’m not attracted to “clingy” people. Therefore, anyone I become acquainted with who becomes hostile or who sulks or pouts because I went out with another person and did not invite them to join us never gets close enough to me to be called a friend.

    My close friendships are not based on proximity and have not been since I graduated from college. Although we may not see one another for weeks or months on end, my friends and I simply pick up where we left off when we come together again. We are so intimately connected that the passage of time does not seem particularly relevant.

    sulz: thanks for sharing your thoughts…

  3. If I could talk to some of my friends after a while of not seeing them, it would be like no time had happened in between. For one of two I mean.

    Because other friendships require to maintain some common interests and common activities. If said interests and activities disappear, so does the friendship.

    I also have friendships that have fallen apart slowly because we get sick of each other. I mean, I still like the person, but not the relationship.

    Other friendships just make you realize of so many things you didn’t know about that person that you have to cut them off.

    Or sometimes love them more.

    I think I would like to be more clingy. My friends know I care about them, but I’m more of the cold and distant friend who shows occasional, awkward affection, bugs the hell out of them instead of saying “I love you”.

    🙂

    sulz: you really wouldn’t want to be more clingy. clingy drives people away, see timethief’s comment. 😉

    agree that when you really get to know a friend, either the true colours make you love or hate your friend. it’s kind of sad when the latter happens because the flaws overshadow the goodness of that person. but sometimes, you have to cut the negativity in your life for your own good.

  4. Interesting post. I haven’t thought about how my friendships go. Most of them tend to end in a bad way where we start ignoring each other and move on. In another scenario, we pretend we’re friends but inside we want to kill each other. I don’t understand how friends change so much. Some years back you’re my best friend and now you’re having other friends. Even though you don’t ignore me but the vibes aren’t there. I on my part am not a very good friend either. I don’t really try to keep in touch though I appreciate it if someone else does. I can be extremely annoying when you try telling me things I ought to do for example study. It’s too complicated for my primitive brain I say.

    sulz: we each have our flaws and perhaps this is why our friendships don’t work out sometimes? hopefully, as we grow older we can change our ways of treating friends and have a fulfilling friendship with someone! 🙂

  5. I’d have to say I relate to #3 as well. I’ve never been someone who has surrounded myself with a lot of friends, but we tend to just fall back into the same patterns when we see each other. I guess that says a lot for the friendships, but maybe also that we don’t change that much. It’s nice though, like no matter what happens, we’re always there.

    The funny thing is my two closest friends I’ve never actually met, and I might never meet them. I met them online almost 8 years ago now; we email, talk via Skype, whatever, and it’s as real as any other friendship. I’d never have thought that before, but it’s true. The world’s a lot smaller now.

    sulz: wow, it sounds amazing that your closest friends are not physically near you. would like to have a friend like that too!

  6. […] there for me when I need support, but has too much commitments to invest in the friendship. I’ve said this before. To me, I think if you think a friendship means something important to you, you’d take the […]

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